Hayat-e-Saeed

Migration From Dar-us-Saeed

اِنِّیْ ذَاهِبٌ اِلٰی رَبِّیْ سَیَهْدِیْنِ

And he said: Surely I flee to my Lord—He will guide me (Holy Quran—37:99)

Feroze Alam Khan had barely been transferred to the hospital when a few army men in uniform—Colonel Shakur Jan, Colonel Shareef, Colonel Hafeez, and an army major—entered Dar-us-Saeed, the house of Doctor Saeed Ahmad (The army major was from the Pakistan Military Academy, aka PMA in Kakul.) Along with them was an officer from the Frontier Force Center (aka FFC.) Right after their arrival, the Senior Superintendent Police (aka SSP) also came back.

Meanwhile, all members of the Ahmadiyya Movement—the ones who had remained in the mosque—also entered Dar-us-Saeed. At that time, Bashir Ahmad and Muhammad Ayyub, a cousin of Professor Khalil-ur-Rahman, told Doctor Saeed Ahmad that they had learned from certain sources that the ringleaders of the troublemakers had come to the consensus that their job was not done yet: Every leader had designated 10 men each who would use the cloak of darkness to carry out the sinister act of destroying Dar-us-Saeed with explosives. In view of that horrifying plan having been hatched, it was unwise to remain there for the night. Religious fanaticism and prejudice turn humans into beasts, and what more relevant example of that could be that the ringleaders—their names were now coming to light—turned out to be former patients of Doctor Saeed Ahmad: The same gaze that used to remain cast downward—their eyes weighed down by gratitude for Doctor Saeed Ahmad—now eyed him with vengeance, seeking to target him with acts of violence. No basis imaginable existed for any sort of personal enmity toward or displeasure with Doctor Saeed Ahmad. His being an Ahmadi, however, was so grave a “crime” in their eyes as to motivate them to carry out an unpardonably heinous crime.

Doctor Saeed Ahmad writes in this regard:

And who is an Ahmadi? What does he do? These things perhaps even those two individuals did not know. At any rate, the situation was admittedly a substantial cause for concern for me, for my companions, and for the organizational institution. Soon the Senior Superintendent Police (SSP) said to me that it would be better if we went to Kakul. I refused. The Deputy Inspector General (DIG) Gohar Zaman reiterated the suggestion. I said to him: “Can you people not guard us in this house?” Gohar Zaman immediately responded: “Why not? However, only I—Gohar Zaman—alone can keep guard over your house. I cannot vouch for anyone else beside me. Had that been the case, what happened today to you all would absolutely not have taken place. Were you not able to see?” (He made the aforesaid remark sarcastically, and with a certain degree of bitterness, in referring to the dereliction of duty on the part of the local police.) He then gave the same suggestion: That it would be better for us if we went to Kakul. This made me pause and deliberate. Meanwhile, Professor Khalil-ur-Rahman’s cousin, Muhammad Ayyub, addressed Doctor Saeed Ahmad with great fervor and solicitousness and said: “Janji! You should definitely go. You should absolutely not spend the night here in this house.” Of the army officials present, those that had come from Kakul—Colonel Shareef, Colonel Hafeez, Colonel Shakur Jan, and Colonel Ashiq—one of them (Colonel Shakur Jan) stepped forward and gave me such a vigorous hug that the affection which it symbolized permeated every fiber of my body: Three years have passed since that meeting, yet I feel the same affects now as I did back then. Colonel Shakur Jan added that we would indeed go to Kakul. And that their commandant had given them the orders to bring us back with him: It is beyond the realm of the possible to express with mere words the sincerity and the devotion which infused his expression.

I said that the question was not merely one of my going, or perhaps of a few individuals going: Along with me was a large group of refugees. How could I possibly leave them behind? On hearing this, the Senior Superintendent Police (SSP) and the army officials unanimously—and spontaneously—said that I did not have to worry, and that all these people would come along with me. The SSP added that we all should bring along with us the briefest of personal belongings, and immediately prepare to vacate the house. Following that, they began making plans to bring the vehicle. The SSP said that the women and I should go first; and that they would transport the men on a subsequent trip, or perhaps on the following day. I replied that the idea of delaying the transport of some of us to tomorrow was not right. To that, he responded, “All right, then all of you should immediately get ready.” So all of our household belongings were stowed away inside the various rooms and put under lock. Only a few essential items were gathered for bringing along with us. Soon enough, a large bus arrived, and we all approached it. First, the women and children were seated. Plenty of room was still left in the bus: At that time, all the men were also able to find seats.

Having endured the excruciating events that had taken place earlier that day, these servants of God had not lost their hope and their resolve. Carrying with them the irreplaceable wealth of their faith and their honor, this caravan began its journey in the leadership of Doctor Saeed Ahmad. This house—one who’s construction and adornment had taken place over approximately four decades—had been destroyed by tyrants in a matter of four hours or even less. That portion of Dar-us-Saeed which had been constructed first, the one which was in use by Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s senior wife, Bibi Umm-e-Kulsoom, had become the primary target of the mob’s attack. Out of the belongings that had been accumulated—straw by straw, as it were, over a period of nearly half a century by this pious, patient, and grateful lady—she only had the clothes that she was wearing, and a copy of the Holy Quran, which she held close to her chest. One can only imagine what the state of her heart must have been during those moments as she bid farewell to her house: That, she alone and her Creator know. One thing is certain: Her patience and her calmness were a source of inspiration for those who beheld the scene.

Excerpt from the Writings of Doctor Saeed Ahmad

The mother of Abdulla [Saeed] had with her nothing more than her copy of the Holy Quran, one which she had brought down with her from the upper story of the house when she had come downstairs in haste. And except that one treasure of Mercy—plus the clothes that she was wearing—all of her belongings had been lost in the arson. Rashida, the pious daughter of Muhammad Zaman, said to me: “Janji! Please keep my copy of the Quran with you, since you are seated in the front.” How quiet, how patient, and how grateful are the members of the Ahmadiyya Movement. And how distinguished and suffused by the lights of Divine Mercy was the atmosphere at that time. I find myself unable to bring those things into the realm of the written word.

The bus in which we were riding was now going down the streets in the darkness of the night, through the streets, lit only by street lights, as we passed by some well-known buildings. The heart was in a strange state of peace, one that was infused by Allah’s Beauty and Beneficence and Absolute Power and Greatness and extraordinary Grace. When the members of the Ahmadiyya Movement had gathered in the courtyard of the house—ready to climb aboard the bus, and as I was about to set my foot to board the bus—these words spontaneously came to my lips:

اِنِّیْ ذَاهِبٌ اِلٰی رَبِّیْ سَیَهْدِیْنِ

And he said: Surely I flee to my Lord—He will guide me (Holy Quran—37:99)

And the coolness and solace call which permeated my heart on that hot day, that Tuesday—June 11, 1974—was perhaps greater than even all the cool and comforts of this world. 

فالحمدﷲعلیٰ ذالک

So all praise to Allah for that.

I thought that at the time when Prophet Abraham was delivered by Allah, the words which he had spoken at the time of migration, were like these: 

 اِنِّیْ مُهَاجِرٌ اِلٰی رَبِّیْ

Surely I am a refugee of my Lord

But later I learned that these words—in both ways—are mentioned in the Holy Quran, but the words that came from the lips of Prophet Abraham were:

اِنِّیْ ذَاهِبٌ

(Arabic… translation)

Since that time—and until the last breath we take—these words will be the ones for us humble people to lean on. The words

سَیَهْدِیْنِ

(Arabic… translation)

O Allah, let not our shortcomings, our lack of wherewithal, and our faults be the cause of our getting deprived of Your Guidance. O Allah! Make our end be a good one. And do take us to our true and correct goal. Otherwise, there is danger at every step. And there is much fear in my heart.

In one of Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s diaries is the following entry, dated August 9, 1974:

On the night of June 11, as we were emerging from our house under the protection of police, the words that were repeatedly on my lips were these ones: 

اِنِّیْ ذَاهِبٌ اِلٰی رَبِّیْ سَیَهْدِیْنِ

And he said: Surely I flee to my Lord—He will guide me (Holy Quran—37:99)

And then I left the house, reciting this verse: 

وَ قُلْ رَّبِّ اَدْخِلْنِیْ مُدْخَلَ صِدْقٍ وَّ اَخْرِجْنِیْ مُخْرَجَ صِدْقٍ وَّ اجْعَلْ لِّیْ مِنْ لَّدُنْكَ سُلْطٰنًا نَّصِیْرًا

And say: My Lord, make me enter a truthful entering, and make me go forth a truthful going forth, and grant me from Thy presence an authority to help (me). (Holy Quran—17:80)

In the moments during which Doctor Saeed Ahmad and his companions, men and women, all steeped in sorrow, were aboard the bus that was to take them to Kakul—moving forward, leaving behind them the city of Abbottabad—the sentiments regarding the latter city are perhaps best captured by the following verses of rhyme by the poet Parveen Shakir:

جو شہر کہ اپنی شخصیت میں شبنم تھا، گلاب تھا، صبا تھا

اب آگ ہے، خون ہے، دھواں ہے

 یہ شہر ہے، سانحہ ہے، کیا ہے

کوفہ ہے کہ کربلا ہے، کیا ہے

That city which—in its persona—was the morning dew; was a rose; was the soothing wind;

It is, now, a raging fire; bloodied; ashen smoke

Is this a town? Is it a tragedy? What is it?

Is it, then, a Koofah? Or is it a Karbala? What is it?

The First Refuge—Pakistan Military Academy (PMA) Kakul

رَّبِّ اَنْزِلْنِیْ مُنْزَلًا مُّبٰرَكًا وَّ اَنْتَ خَیْرُ الْمُنْزِلِیْنَ

My Lord, cause me to land a blessed landing and Thou art the Best of those who bring to land. (Holy Quran—23:29)

The total count of those in the caravan—the one which arrived in Kakul under the leadership of Doctor Saeed Ahmad—was 58. A bit later, and at short intervals, additional guests kept arriving, taking the total count up to 72. This happens to be the count, too, of the caravan—the one that had accompanied Imam Hussain—and which had faced the armies of Yazid at the field of Karbala.

Here, we refer to an excerpt from the writings of Professor Khalil-ur-Rahman:

Seventy-two in number, we men and women had left everything behind, and—under the protection of the army—arrived at Kakul. It is said that aboard the ark of Prophet Noah, too, were 72 individuals. And here, aboard the ark, too, the one which the Promised Messiah had built, were 72 individuals.

Welcome Extended at the PMA

In the words of Doctor Saeed Ahmad:

We arrived at the gate of PMA, Kakul. Colonel Shakur Jan stepped out [of our bus.] He arranged for the gate to be opened, and we arrived at the Commandant’s house. This was about 10:00 PM. Abdulla [Saeed] and his wife Anjam [Saeed] were both standing in front of the veranda. They greeted and welcomed their guests with open arms. How honorable was that arrival. And how great the welcome was. Anjam [Saeed] took charge of [welcoming] the women. With great silence and remarkable seriousness, the women entered the rooms. The men seated themselves in the chairs outside in the veranda.

My propensity for becoming overwhelmed by strong emotions is a rather well known weakness. But it is a blessing from Allah the Most High that on that day—at the time when Abdulla [Saeed] embraced me, and later as well—I was not overwhelmed in the way that I have mentioned. When everybody had gotten seated, a special feeling arose in my heart, one which I expressed in approximately the following words: “Relatives and friends! These moments of our lives are no ordinary ones. It is not the good fortune of everyone to become the beneficiaries of such a great moment. How, and with what words can we possibly thank Allah for this great gift: At this time, we are refugees. And this household is that of our helpers. This is to an end. Come, let us thank Allah. And let us be reconciled and happy with His decisions.”

In addition to the guests who had arrived aboard the bus, those who arrived later included Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s daughter Mubarika Alam Khan (along with her young children), his son Nasir Saeed (accompanied by his wife and their infant), and his cousin Abdur Rahman. On the morning of June 11, Nasir Saeed had gone to Debgaran to bring back wheat. But he was unable to reach Dar-us-Saeed, because the mob had converged there again. In his absence, his cousin Abdur Rahman was staying with Nasir Saeed’s wife and infant. Other than them, a few individuals from the Rabwah Jamaat—on learning that Doctor Saeed Ahmad was in a safe haven—began to arrive one after another. Among them was Maulvi Chiragh Din, a murabbi (a senior officer) of the Rabwah Jamaat who had been brought over to the safe haven by his (i.e. Dr. Saeed Ahmad’s) friend, the famed novelist Nasim Hijazi in a demonstration of his humanity and sympathy: Maulvi Chiragh Din had remained hidden all day in the bathroom of some upper storey house. When night fell, he had been able to climb over the rear wall of the residence of Nasim Hijazi, and thereby entered his house. In this way—and once additional arrivals stopped arriving—the total count of guests reached 78. The excellence and open-heartedness with which Abdulla Saeed and his wife Anjam Saeed tended to the welcome, arrangements, lodging, and meals for their guests was exemplary.

An excerpt from Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s writing:

For men, the front veranda had been chosen as the place for their dining, and for the women and children, a large room inside. And for sleeping at night, six beds in the VIP Guest House were made available, and the remaining in the vacant bungalow of one of the officers. Abdulla [Saeed] said to me that I should choose six individuals for the guest house. So I chose Maulvi Chiragh Din, the murabbi of the Rabwah Jamaat, his son, Maulvi Abdur Rahman Niazi, Master Asghar Ali, Ahmad Sadiq, and Professor Khalil-ur-Rahman.

As for the vacant quarter that had been allotted to an army major from Rawalpindi, he was bringing his family along with him in a day or two. Abdulla [Saeed] said to the army major that it was not in his capacity as the army commandant that he was making this request of him, but rather at a personal level: [For the army major to] delay bringing his children for approximately two weeks, keeping that quarter [i.e. the allotted quarter] available for the expected guests. The army major had accepted this request [by Abdulla Saeed.] Portable beds, mattresses, bed sheets, and comforters, etc., had been arranged by Colonel Hafiz. And that same kind hearted and decent Colonel attended to the welfare and comfort of the guests throughout their stay.

Impressions of Anjam Saeed, on the arrival of the guests, through her own writings:

We were standing on the veranda. The bus arrived. The first thing I remember is the emergence from the bus of my mother-in-law, Bibi Umm-e-Kulsoom. She held close to her chest her copy of the Holy Quran. I held her hand and helped her step out of the bus. There was calmness on her face. Looking at her copy of the Holy Quran, she said: “This alone is all that remains.” I replied: “This itself is enough for us.” After her, I met Bubbo Ji [i.e. Zainab Saeed], Janji [i.e. Doctor Saeed Ahmad], and everyone else. Allah the Most High Alone knows what must have been going through their hearts and their minds. But there was no complaint on anyone’s lips: The incredible calmness and honorably distinguished way in which these people—this looted caravan—each one seated in their own place, patiently and gratefully, as to make the onlookers’ eyes shed tears. This was the first time that I had closely seen these people in a state of affliction: Only the pious servants of Allah attain to this forbearance. Why, then, are they labeled as being bad?

Anjam Saeed further writes:

Having finished their evening meal, everyone went to their designated bed and lay down. Janji had been given the dressing room of Abdulla [Saeed.] When he lay down in his bed, Abdulla [Saeed] pulled up a chair and sat down near him while I sat on the bed and began to massage his feet. For some time, he [Doctor Saeed Ahmad] related the events, and then routine conversation began, the kind which we ordinarily engage in among ourselves. The thought crossed my mind—an immensely tragic event had clearly taken place—yet the amazing state of ease and composure with which he [Doctor Saeed Ahmad] engaged in conversing with his son [Abdulla Saeed.] I was looking at the faces of the father and his son, listening to their conversation, and thinking that surely these are the people of whom it has been said: “Head bowed down in resignation.”

This forbearance and patience of theirs was not just for one day alone: All the while that they stayed with us, and if ever any complication or difficulty arose, Janji and Abdulla [Saeed] were there to help. The elders showed the way with resolve; the children showed affection for one another. The performing of daily prayers in congregation, the keeping of fast: All these [shared activities] we were participating in—difficult days as they were—were being transformed into days of blessings and mercy, ones which are an invaluable treasure of my life. How can I ever find the words with which to thank Allah the Most High for giving us—and especially me—this opportunity to be of service to His special servants? Of His blessings, this is a great blessing indeed.

The Days and Nights in Kakul

صادق آں باشد کہ ایامِ بلا مے گذارد با محبت با وفا

گرقضا را عاشقے گردد اسیر!   بوسد آں زنجیر را کز آشنا!

Truthful is he who, when days of tribulation come;

Endures them with devotion, with faithfulness

And if that devotee be shackled in accordance with Divine predestination;

He kisses the chain: the one which will lead him to his Beloved

— Hazrat Mirza Sahib (Kitab al-Barriyya, i.e. “An Account of my Exoneration,” title page—the translation above is from the Farsi language)

Such was the case of Doctor Saeed Ahmad. It is hard to find such examples in history, ones which match his exemplary patience, and his resignation to the Will of God with which he embraced the circumstances he faced and the tribulations he endured, always remaining content with what had been Divinely willed. Through his actions, through his contemplation, and through his wisdom, he made the temporary stay in Kakul an exemplary one. In Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s own words:

The next morning, I surveyed the house, and chose the rear veranda of the Commandant House for the guests’ dining needs as well as for hosting the daily Zuhr and Ishaa congregational prayers. This hut—the one in which the guests were lodged—was near the Commandant House and could be entered from the side gate if one made their way from the outside, and then into that rear veranda. There was no possibility of face-to-face encounters with neither any visitors entering the house from the avenue outside nor with those seated in the veranda. And this arrangement continued to serve [our privacy needs] excellently. I would dine along with the other guests. Tea would be brought to the hut at both times. We would perform our other congregational daily prayers as well in the same hut. As for the guests who had slept in the guest house on the first night, we brought them over the very next day to be with the other guests. Those were remarkable days, ones which ought to be called ayyam Allah [“the days of Allah”.] The state of our hearts was extraordinary. The women slept on the floors in the inner rooms inside the house; the few women who were elderly were provided portable beds. The mother of Zahid [Zainab Saeed] had chosen a small room in the corners of herself, and spent all those days, ones of tribulation for her as well. A room in the house—one with an adjoining bathroom—had been designated for me; the majority of my time, though, was spent with the other guests. The food was simple, pure, and in abundance. Fruit of various kinds—including apricots—was provided at both times. Three or four apricot trees grew within the perimeter of the house. When the apricots ran out, melons and other fruit would be purchased from the bazaar. After one month, when I presented the proposed payment for the expenditures to the wife of Abdulla Saeed, she did not accept the payment.

What follows next is an excerpt from the writings of Anjam Saeed:

I am writing down this one point exclusively to prove that the promises of Allah are always true: There were two or three apricot trees in our house. Eating fruit after the noon meal was a routine in our house. When all these dear ones arrived, the apricots had ripened. I served these to them after the meals for a few days. Once the apricots ran out, I wondered to myself whether to continue serving fruits or to discontinue doing so. My heart told me that I would have chosen to continue doing so, had this been for myself. So why am I even thinking of doing otherwise—bringing about a change in this routine—now that I have guests. So I decided that we would continue to eat fruit after the noon meals. Allah is Our Sustainer. Time passed, and Allah the Most High did not let any shortfall to happen. After our stay in Kakul [in connection with Abdulla Saeed’s army post], our next posting was to Quetta. The house allotted to us there had an abundance of fruit trees. From that day to this day, there was never a shortage of fruits; rather, the sensation was always one of surplus.

The name itself of the house, and which Anjam Saeed has mentioned above, is Orchard House, signifying a house nestled in a garden filled with fruit. This, then, was her reward from Allah the Most High for her service as a host, and one which was granted to her immediately in this very life. As for the fruits which this pious husband and wife—Abdulla Saeed and Anjam Saeed—will receive in paradise, one can scarcely imagine it.

— Safia Saeed, biographer

Additional Excerpt from Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s Article Entitled The Days and Nights in Kakul

Doctor Saeed Ahmad further wrote:

That which had befallen us reached its conclusion on the evening of September 7, 1974.

الحمدﷲ رب اللعالمین۔ الرحمن الرحیم الجواد الکریم البر الرئوف الرحیم

All praise is for Allah, the Lord of the worlds, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

How can we possibly be able to thank Allah? Each time I reflected and surveyed, my heart would be filled to overflowing with the emotion of gratitude: Our faith had remained intact, and we had been spared of a test, one which might perhaps have been outside our strength to endure: It might have been that we, like thousands of other people who—even though they may have cringed at doing so—had nonetheless found themselves compelled to give up the truth, that truth which we had considered to be the [unvarnished] truth just the other day: 

 رَّبِّ اَعُوْذُ بِكَ مِنْ هَمَزٰتِ الشَّیٰطِیْنِۙ۝۹۷ وَ اَعُوْذُ بِكَ رَبِّ اَنْ یَّحْضُرُوْنِ۝۹۸

And say: My Lord, I seek refuge in Thee from the evil suggestions of the devils. And I seek refuge in Thee, my Lord, lest they come to me. (Holy Quran—23:97,98)

We had remained completely safe [on that fateful day of June 11, 1974 when a violent mob had besieged us] and [moreover] secluded from both even having to look face-to-face at those in the merciless and roiled thousands in the mob, and having to hear their chants. By Allah, other than a few abominable faces that our glances espied a few times through the dense leaves of the hedge—the spot from where they were attempting to enter our house—and then the handful of times that our glances caught a view of the crowd that was milling outside the Darul Khair neighborhood [that is situated] across from the deep ditch outside our house. By God, He [it is Who] kept them away from us, and kept us in His Protection. And then He kept our honor protected. Otherwise, those merciless people, had they been able to enter our house—and all that stood between them and us was an exceedingly dilapidated door—who knows what could have happened then. A few moments earlier, in fact, Feroze Alam Khan had placed a pistol in my hand, telling me to keep it in my hand: He had sensed at that time that the milling mob outside could gain entry into our house at any moment. Allah kept our lives safe. And then our beloved mosque remained safe; those tyrants were not able to access it. And then He kept in his protection our neighbor, Professor Khalil-ur-Rahman, as well as those who were besieged inside the mosque. In contrast, if one portion of my house and my hospital, along with its assets and equipment—I would approximately estimate their value in the few hundreds of thousands of Rupees—if all that got burned down, what significance does that really have?

So it is analyses of this kind that gave much comfort to my heart, comfort which I needed the most. I also told the members of my household as well as friends [to keep in mind such sentiments], and I am extremely grateful to Allah that they, too, understood, as was later proved by their actions.

 فالحمدﷲ

So thanks to Allah.

Departure of Guests from Kakul

When news of a reduction in the intensity of the raging, fanaticism-related crisis began coming in, some guests began to depart under police protection. Whoever left from Kakul, Abdulla Saeed would arrange for their police protection as well as transport, because the situation—throughout the nation in general, and in Hazara in particular—was still perilous. After a few days, 40 individuals remained; and at the conclusion of one month, only Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s household members—a total of 19 individuals—along with their own respective families, remained. Most of them stayed in Kakul till November.

Tribulations Besetting the Ahmadiyya Movement Chapters in Other Locations in Hazara

Balakot

It was on June 11, 1974, that members of the Ahmadiyya Movements in Balakot were made the target of violence. A distinguished Ahmadi, along with his youthful son—he had just completed his matric exams—were martyred, and their corpses were tossed onto the street. Many other Ahmadis, too, had to go through exceedingly difficult circumstances.

Mansehra

The day of June 12, 1974 had been designated by the terrorists as the day for targeting the members of the Ahmadiyya Movement based in Mansehra: Similar kinds of heinous acts of terror had been planned for Mansehra as had been carried out earlier—on June 11, 1974—in Abbottabad. However, timely intervention by authorities prevented a similar situation (similar to the one in Abbottabad) from taking place in Mansehra.

What follows is an excerpt from Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s writing:

On the night of June 11, 1974, we had reached Kakul when the Deputy Inspector General (DIG)—Gohar Zaman—arrived at the Commandant’s House and began conversing with the Inspector General (IG) of police in Peshawar. The IG—Bashir Ahmad—expressed his sympathy for me, and Gohar Zaman related the events. Bashir Ahmad was my long-standing and faithful friend. He expressed his sympathy for me over the telephone. Gohar Zaman expressed his apprehension regarding Mansehra over the coming days. Bashir Ahmad said that they would have to protect Khan Bahadur Ghulam Rabbani Khan at any cost. Gohar Zaman said that they should send at least a bus-load [of policemen] from Peshawar; the police of Hazara cannot be trusted in Hazara itself.

So he [Gohar Zaman] himself went to Mansehra early in the morning on the following day. By demonstrating personal daring—he stood in front of the mob—he succeeded in stopping its forward movement. Had the police in Abbottabad acted with as much dutifulness, and had they carried out their duties seriously and with sagacity while [they were] stationed at my residence in Abbottabad, there is no reason why the violence should have taken place at my house: The construction as well as the location of my house is such that there is only one major thoroughfare leading [to it] from the city, [and that thoroughfare is] no wider than 11 feet. And on both sides of it are unbroken stretches of houses and shops. Had the police acted dutifully back then—and despite being outnumbered—they would have been able to successfully stop the mob from proceeding any further.

Thanks to the good intentions of the police in Mansehra and their timely intervention, the mob of miscreants was unable to reach the residence of Khan Bahadur Ghulam Rabbani Khan. As for the house of another Ahmadi, Doctor Mohammad Deen, however—his house being located in a sparsely populated area—the miscreants were able to reach it unimpeded. But thanks to the intervention by other residents who were present at that time, the miscreants were unable to arson it. Tragically, though, the mob hauled out Doctor Mohammad Deen’s household belongings and set those afire; that was followed by looting and vandalism; then Doctor Ahmad Deen was taken to the local mosque, where those miscreants made him forcibly renounce his allegiance to the Ahmadiyya Movement.

Other than that, some nominal incidents of vandalism took place in Mansehra. And although their assets and lives were spared, nearly all members of the Ahmadiyya Movement, Lahore as well as those of the Rabwah Jamaat ended up—through all types of pressure brought on them—reneging on Ahmadiyyat. This tragic development grew to the extent that even those Ahmadis who had pledged to walk in Sahibzada Abdul Latif’s footsteps—the same ones who had also pledged to give up their lives in the cause of Ahmadiyyat—were swept away in the deluge of the oppressive forces when they were not able to overcome its near-irresistible currents.

Among those who went to the mosque and reneged on the Ahmadiyya Movement was an individual who even delivered a speech. Members later learned about that individual having said that nothing was left in the Ahmadiyya Movement; had there been, that individual had asserted, why would Dr. Saeed Ahmad’s house have burned down?

Doctor Saeed Ahmad writes:

I was greatly disturbed on hearing that, and began to wonder whether this could be Divine punishment. It was then that Allah the Most High brought my attention to the following Quranic verses:

وَ لَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَیْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوْفِ وَ الْجُوْعِ وَ نَقْصٍ مِّنَ الْاَمْوَالِ وَ الْاَنْفُسِ وَ الثَّمَرٰتِ ؕ وَ بَشِّرِ الصّٰبِرِیْنَۙ۝ الَّذِیْنَ اِذَاۤ اَصَابَتْهُمْ مُّصِیْبَةٌۙ قَالُوْۤا اِنَّا لِلّٰهِ وَ اِنَّاۤ اِلَیْهِ رٰجِعُوْنَؕ۝ اُولٰٓىِٕكَ عَلَیْهِمْ صَلَوٰتٌ مِّنْ رَّبِّهِمْ وَ رَحْمَةٌ ۫ وَ اُولٰٓىِٕكَ هُمُ الْمُهْتَدُوْنَ۝

And We shall certainly try you with something of fear and hunger and loss of property and lives and fruits. And give good news to the patient. Who, when a misfortune befalls them say: “Surely we are Allah’s and to Him we shall return.” Those are they on whom are blessings and mercy from their Lord; and those are the followers of the right course. (Holy Quran—2:155, 156, 157)

وَ مِنَ النَّاسِ مَنْ یَّقُوْلُ اٰمَنَّا بِاللّٰهِ فَاِذَاۤ اُوْذِیَ فِی اللّٰهِ جَعَلَ فِتْنَةَ النَّاسِ كَعَذَابِ اللّٰهِ ؕ وَ لَىِٕنْ جَآءَ نَصْرٌ مِّنْ رَّبِّكَ لَیَقُوْلُنَّ اِنَّا كُنَّا مَعَكُمْ ؕ اَوَ لَیْسَ اللّٰهُ بِاَعْلَمَ بِمَا فِیْ صُدُوْرِ الْعٰلَمِیْنَ۝

And among men is he who says: We believe in Allah; but when he is persecuted for the sake of Allah, he thinks the persecution of men to be as the chastisement of Allah. And if there comes help from thy Lord, they will say: Surely we were with you. Is not Allah the Best Knower of what is in the hearts of mankind? (Holy Quran—29:10)

With that, my heart came to ease.

In his personal writings, Doctor Saeed Ahmad made special mention of the deceased advocate, Maulvi Abdul Quyyum’s son, a brave youth—Abdul Aziz—who was blessed by Allah the Most High with steadfastness, who preferred to keep his faith intact over hanging on to his property, and who migrated. Later on, Allah the Most High rewarded his steadfastness with all kinds of blessings.

Daata and Debgaran were the other locations where Ahmadis were in significant numbers. Those Ahmadis, too, were unable to withstand this tribulation. There is even a narrative regarding a couple of Ahmadis who picked up spades and joined the mob that proceeded to break down the two mosques’ middle, separating wall—the one separating the smaller mosque of the Ahmadis from the larger one belonging to the non-Ahmadis—in order to adjoin it to the mosque of the non-Ahmadis. But Allah the Most High particularly blessed the members of Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s family in Debgaran: On the day of the incident, neither his cousin Abdur Rahman nor his nephew Mubarak Abdulla were present in Debgaran. Later on, Allah the Most High blessed them with steadfastness, and they valiantly remained allied with the Ahmadiyya Movement.

As for Dadar and a few other locations where a solitary Ahmadi or two were resident, the situation was diffused through gentle announcements. But the reality is that the attack on Ahmadis in Hazara was a massive one: While to all appearances the Ahmadiyya Movement was not rendered defunct, it did get significantly suppressed. In the days that followed, maulvis met with the governor of the Frontier Province and proudly declared: “We have taken care of the Ahmadiyya Movement issue in Hazara.” They also proclaimed that the center of the Ahmadiyya Movement in Hazara had been uprooted.

The reader is invited to turn their attention to the wishes of Allah the Most High: When Hazara’s aforementioned Ahmadiyya Movement center—Dar-us-Saeed—was engulfed in the blazing fire which had been lit by a mob of violent fanatics, a child was born in another part of the world, a child whom Allah reconnected back to that center of the Ahmadiyya Movement: Firmly founded in that center, he laid the foundation for its website, and thereby opened up new avenues for its propagation. This child—now a young man and a father himself—is Doctor Mujahid Ahmad Saeed, the grandson of Doctor Saeed Ahmad and son of Doctor Abdul Karim Saeed.

Pressure on Doctor Saeed Ahmad

While the ominous specter of terror planned by anti-Ahmadiyya forces for Wednesday, June 12, 1974 was averted through the valiant effort of Gohar Zaman, the Deputy Inspector General (DIG) of Police—that plan would have impacted Ghulam Rabbani Khan had it not been averted—dangers still lurked for the Ahmadi community in general. For example, the social pressure being mounted on Ghulam Rabbani Khan by his clan and relatives was intense; it was proving to be a potent source of agitation and inner turmoil for him. Their demand was that he disavow the Ahmadiyya Movement. Ghulam Rabbani Khan stayed in frequent touch with Doctor Saeed Ahmad via telephone. Along with offering his sympathies to Doctor Saeed Ahmad on his losses and his having been deprived of physical wherewithal and belongings, he frequently made mention of his own inner turmoil.

Meanwhile, pressure was brought to bear on Doctor Saeed Ahmad, too—from many directions and in every possible way—including the consideration that his disavowal of the Ahmadiyya Movement was essential to the prospects of maintaining peace in Hazara. In fact, one of his friends from the past made concerted efforts in this connection: His long-standing friend Raja Zoq Akhtar Khan repeatedly visited Doctor Saeed Ahmad, and made requests for him to renege on Ahmadiyyat. In the end, one evening, Raja Zoq Akhtar Khan brought along a manuscript from the maulvis, and asked Doctor Saeed Ahmad to affix his signature to it, adding that Hazrat Mirza Sahib had not been maligned in that manuscript. Raja Zoq Akhtar Khan added that that ought to have made it acceptable to both Ghulam Rabbani Khan and him (i.e. Doctor Saeed Ahmad.) Signing the document, he continued, would cool down the inflamed passions and anger of the maulvis, and a situation of peace and harmony could thereby be created throughout the entire district of Hazara. Raja Zoq Akhtar Khan continued to exert every effort to turn Doctor Saeed Ahmad around to become amiable and go along with his request. He simply replied:

Even now, I have no problems or issues at a personal level. Neither do I have any obligation to make this announcement nor any other. As to what other people need to do, that is a matter pertaining to their own books of deeds. May Allah have mercy on everyone. There is no room for me to respond in a way different from this.

Raja Zoq Akhtar Khan left, somewhat disappointed. On an amusing note, Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s son, Zahid Saeed, remarked in referring to Raja Zoq Akhtar Khan: “Is he playing the role of Henry Kissinger?” (Kissinger, of course, was the United States Secretary of State who—during the presidency of General Muhammad Ayub Khan of Pakistan and through the aforementioned general’s facilitation—had made a clandestine visit to China. And in that way, Kissinger had played a successful role in establishing friendly relationships between the United States and China.) For quite some time, Raja Zoq Akhtar Khan came to be known as “Henry Kissinger.”

The very next day, Ghulam Rabbani Khan spoke with Doctor Saeed Ahmad over the telephone, acknowledging that he had become helpless (in the face of social pressure) and had subsequently disavowed his association with the Ahmadiyya Movement. On hearing that, Doctor Saeed Ahmad was rendered speechless and unable to utter anything beyond the words assalamu alaikum (peace be on you.) Even Ghulam Rabbani Khan himself—just the day before, he had been the exemplar of courage in standing up valiantly to defend the cause of the Ahmadiyya Movement—had gotten swept up. What had befallen him? The hellish flood of the anti-Ahmadiyya sectarian violence that had swept the nation had now resulted in separating Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s brother from him; not in the physical sense, but certainly in the sense of their shared viewpoints. That brother who had been Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s staunch ally in all his ups and downs of life—to the extent that when, during the hajj that they had performed together, it had been difficult for Doctor Saeed Ahmad to let another person sit between them—and now an army of those purveyors of religious strictures had now wedged itself majorly between the two. This development was definitely one that was nearly intolerable for Doctor Saeed Ahmad; it also had the effect of dissipating what little remained of the resolve of the Ahmadiyya Movement’s members in Hazara. As a result, for all practical purposes, the Ahmadiyya Movement suffered irreparable damage.

Other than external pressure, some of the leading members of these families themselves sought to convince him to change the name of the central organization; to support them in their suggestion; and to convince the members of the oversight committee to change the name. The thinking of those members was that it was only through a change to its name that the Ahmadiyya Movement could now move forward. Doctor Saeed Ahmad considered this suggestion unacceptable, and he remained firm on his position that the Ahmadiyya Movement organization would remain vitally alive through its current name.

Expressions of Faithfulness, and Those of Aloofness and of Apathy

It’s in the light of the narrative of Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s life that one can see—particularly when viewed through the lens of the tragic events of 1974—the two sides of humanity. Standing out in sharp contrast are expressions of others’ faithfulness; those of others’ frostiness; and those of others’ turning a cold shoulder. The difference between the two sentiments is tremendous. Take for example—phonetically-speaking, at least—the difference between expressions such as a mehrum (an intimate person) and a mujrim (a criminal), and that between dua (prayer for well being) and dughaa (treachery.) The differences among those who show up in the arc of Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s life—between those others with the positive ones of the aforementioned, parallel expressions, and those with the negative—are along the same lines of demarcating the semantics and the meaning of these expressions.

The ones who sought to harm Doctor Saeed Ahmad were mere humans. And those who sympathized with him—making him aware of impending danger, and thereby themselves gaining notoriety in the minds of the public—were but humans. A daring individual like Feroze Alam Khan, too, was a human; and those, too, who evaded the decidedly human duty of taking the wounded and bleeding Feroze Alam Khan to a hospital, were but humans. Merely humans, indeed, were those, too, who had besieged Dar-us-Saeed, yelling encouraging chants, urging one another to burn Dar-us-Saeed down. And those who came had rescued those beleaguered and besieged inside Dar-us-Saeed—trapped as they were from all corners—were but humans. It was a segment of humanity, their compassion on full display—at its zenith—during the refugees’ stay in Kakul, which was demonstrated through the spirit of solidarity, devotion, faithfulness, and the open-hearted camaraderie among the refugees and their helpers. And a segment of humanity—albeit a benighted one—it was, too, which had brought to bear its dark spirit, and its looming shadows of affliction on the innocents.

The relatives of his daughter-in-law Anjam Saeed were in the vanguard of those who demonstrated their faithfulness and sympathy for Doctor Saeed Ahmad. They repeatedly came to Kakul to express their sympathies and to support the morale of the refugees in every way. Even though they professed Shiite beliefs, they always participated in congregational prayers with Doctor Saeed Ahmad. They could not help but be impressed by the profoundness and state of rapture with which Doctor Saeed Ahmad would lead the prayers; and they remained supportive as they participated with him in his beseeching Allah. During the conversations that took place, many misconceptions—those regarding Hazrat Mirza Sahib as well as those about the Ahmadiyya Movement—were dispelled. 

Among the special friends of Doctor Saeed Ahmad, the demonstration of regard and friendship by Doctor Sardar Ali Shaikh, a surgeon with the renowned Mayo Hospital in Lahore is especially noteworthy. Doctor Saeed Ahmad makes mention of him in his writings as follows:

Certain acquaintances conveyed to me their sympathies and sadness at the loss of my belongings and my property. In that connection, I make mention of one of my esteemed friends, Doctor Sardar Ali Shaikh. Not only did he attempt to express his sorrow—to lessen mine—and to lend his moral support, he also sought to assist me financially. In this connection. He sent me a check in the amount of Rupees 5,000 on August 28, 1974: I did not cash that check, and instead kept it intact with me as a fond remembrance of that friend. 

جزاہ اﷲ تعالیٰ

May Allah reward them.

Some members of the Ahmadiyya Movement—those who had ostensibly severed their ties with it—would come to Kakul from time to time. On meeting Doctor Saeed Ahmad, they would become teary-eyed. They would participate in the Friday sermon, after which they would quietly go back.

Of the thousands who dwelled in Abbottabad, one sincere individual—Abdul Jaleel—came along with his elderly father to visit Doctor Saeed Ahmad in Kakul at night. They expressed the sentiment that the prevailing situation was regrettable.

In this context, not mentioning the daring spirit and the sincerity of Razia Ahmad would be an injustice. She was a friend of Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s daughters as well as their classmate. All alone and fearlessly, she came to the Combined Military Hospital (CMH) to inquire into the health of the convalescing Feroze Alam Khan, who subsequently made mention on multiple occasions of that act of sincerity, saying:

Many of my friends and acquaintances lived within mere walking distance from the CMH. Yet, not one of them had the courage to come visit and inquire into my health, even in the darkness of night. And look at how Razia Ahmad—not caring about the consequences—came to visit me.

An especially close friend of Doctor Saeed Ahmad called him over the telephone and said: “How can I help you?” Doctor replied: “Thank you, there is no need for it.” His friend then said: “You are homeless and destitute. How can you not be in need?” Doctor Saeed Ahmad felt a bit hurt by those words. But he assured his friend about his circumstances, and told him to not worry; that he did not need anyone’s aid.

On one occasion, Qazi Abdur Rasheed came over, bringing with him a few gifts in the form of rice, cooking oil, and honey. 

جزاہ اﷲ

May Allah reward them.

Doctor Saeed Ahmad was reconciled to the Will of God. And he would not express any sadness and grief in that regard.

On the other side, the residents of Abbottabad and its outskirts, and in Hazara in general, were completely silent: It was as if they had been robbed of the powers of speech and of taking action. Neither did their feet bring them over to Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s home nor did they communicate with him verbally or via writing. These, alas, were the same people who had in the past been coming to meet Doctor Saeed Ahmad—by day and by night—and had daily dealings with him.

As for his fellow medical professionals, the uniqueness of their callow insensitivity was in a class of its own. The same doctors who used to consider Doctor Saeed Ahmad as their teacher and their role model had now left him amazed by their frostiness toward him. However, Doctor Saeed Ahmad viewed their constraints and their limitations graciously—given the virulently anti-Ahmadiyya sentiment clouding the atmosphere—and did not consider their behavior regrettable. One day a doctor came to visit him in Kakul. They met at the door. Doctor Saeed Ahmad was somewhat happy: Here, at long last, was an individual with an intact conscience, one who had presumably felt compelled to inquire into Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s circumstances. However, it soon became evident that the visitor had not come to lend his moral support. It was really an ulterior motive that had compelled him to visit Doctor Saeed Ahmad: He was in need of getting one of his relatives admitted to the Abbottabad Public School. And who better—the visitor surely was thinking—than Doctor Saeed Ahmad to give their relative a recommendation to the principal of the Abbottabad Public School, Abdur Rahman? After serving his guest with tea, Doctor Saeed Ahmad bid him farewell, and told him: “I will make mention of this to Abdur Rahman.” Then there was one other doctor who wrote a letter to Doctor Saeed Ahmad after six months had passed. Other than these isolated incidents, silence prevailed.

Recounting of Blessings

In writing about the events of 1974, Doctor Saeed Ahmad made mention of certain events, ones which expressed the assistance of Allah the Most High. Before the unfolding of the events in 1974 and the aftermath, certain incidents—ones that were unbeknownst preparing the ground for the future—took place, all through special divine grace. Those factors served as a source of strength and comfort for Doctor Saeed Ahmad’s heart during the time of tribulation, and which manifested the special wisdom of Allah the Most High. Doctor Saeed Ahmad made mention of those by way of recounting blessings. He wrote:

The posting of my son Abdulla Saeed at the Pakistan Military Academy in Kakul had drawn to it close. In fact, the decision had been made by the military board in April 1974 that he would be made in charge of some brigade. And Abdulla had begun preparations to leave Kakul. But the commander in chief had changed that decision: Abdulla Saeed instead would stay at the Pakistan military academy till the end of the course in progress, meaning that he would stay in Kakul till October 1974. The emergence of the aforementioned outcome—a factor brought about by Allah’s great grace—would prove to be of immense importance in our favor.

The other factor being that my son-in-law Feroze Alam Khan, through his efforts a year ago, had got himself transferred and posted to the frontier force center in Abbottabad. And during that time, he had gotten his house constructed here. The house that had been allotted to him by the army was near our house—Dar-us-Saeed—and it would take merely five minutes to walk between the two houses by way of the ravine that is located at the back of his (Feroz Alam Khan’s) house. These relative locations would play a vital role—one from the unseen—in the coming days.

The third factor is that my young son, Major Nasir Saeed, was posted to the Frontier Force Center, four months ago. His house, too, was located near the house of Feroze Alam Khan. 

The wisdom latent in the development of all these aforementioned factors became evident in light of the events that unfolded later.

Thankfulness to Allah the Most High for the Steadfastness Demonstrated by his Children.

Doctor Saeed Ahmad writes:

Four of my sons are officers in the army. With righteousness of heart and with courage, all of them openly declared  on all occasions their being members of the Ahmadiyya Movement. Among them, Abdulla [Saeed] held the rank of brigadier, and it was believed with near certainty that the promotion for which he was due would be held back. In fact, our friend Khalid Faruqui wrote to us from Islamabad that the decision to hold back his promotion had already been made. But my son Abdulla [Saeed] cared not one bit for this. The decision of Allah the Most High was different from the prevailing consensus: Approximately two months after the episode, he was promoted to the rank of major general. Thus, not only did he get promoted, it was with great honor and ceremony that he got promoted. 

And three of my sons hold the rank of [army] major. In their own way each, they have demonstrated moral courage. Among them, Major Ikram [Saeed] was once advised by an officer—a friend who was himself from an Ahmadi family but had unfortunately succumbed to weakness and subsequently had been retired from the army—that he [Ikram Saeed] should tell me to spurn the Ahmadiyya Movement. Otherwise, so my son’s friend advised him, my future and that of my family would be extremely bleak. Ikram replied [to friend] with great sternness, scolding him that he ought to be ashamed of himself: Should we advise our own revered father? And that, too, about something patently wrong? If God forbid our father reneged on his being an Ahmadi, we would no longer be able to face the world with honor, ashamed as we would be that we were the children of a characterless and unprincipled father.

When I heard from someone this exchange between my son Ikram and his friend, a spontaneous prayer arose from my heart for this child of mine: So elated was I that had even all the riches of the world been granted to me, I would scarcely have been happier. So all praise to Allah. It is a great blessing from Allah the Most High, a blessing to whose adequate thanks I find myself incapable of doing justice.

 رَبَّنَا تَقَبَّلْ مِنَّا ؕ اِنَّكَ اَنْتَ السَّمِیْعُ الْعَلِیْمُ۝

Our Lord, accept from us; surely Thou art the Hearing, the Knowing. (Holy Quran—2:127)

Steadfastness of Colonel Shaukat Mahmood—Son-in-Law of Doctor Saeed Ahmad

On August 19, 1974, Colonel Shaukat Mahmood—son of the late Rabbani of Mansehra—wrote a letter to me in the English language, one in which he expressed his sympathy for me in connection with the tribulation that had befallen us on June 11, 1974. Shaukat Mahmood consoled me in numerous ways so as to lighten the sadness which had been weighing me down. He attributed that event—the one in which we had suffered [massive, physical] losses—as being the precursor to my being given the responsibility of some higher work. In other words, the events which were to unfold in the future would become clear in that context. And Allah the Most High made it so by freeing me from worldly entanglement, and by blessing me with the opportunity to serve the cause of faith. 

 الحمدﷲ۔ ثم الحمدﷲ

All praise to Allah. Again, all praise to Allah

In that same letter, Shaukat Mahmood also expressed his resolve to assist me in the higher work which was to come my way, and to do so purely for the sake of Allah. I pray that Allah the Most High will grant him the opportunities to serve the religion of Islam through His exceedingly special blessings and mercy.

A Note Regarding his Son, Abdulla Saeed

Doctor Saeed Ahmad writes:

Mention has been made of my son Abdulla [Saeed] in the previous pages. In that context, it was also mentioned that he was the commandant of the Pakistan Military Academy (PMA), and was serving in the position of brigadier. Coincidentally, and during those days, the Rabwah Jamaat had purchased a tract of land adjacent to the PMA for the purpose of constructing their summer headquarters. Opponents were under the wrong impression that all the aforementioned had been undertaken at the direction of Abdulla [Saeed], and was being conducted in accordance with his directions. Moreover, those opponents knew that Abdulla Saeed was my son. Not only were they opposed to Abdulla Saeed, they were strongly opposed to him. They would come up with all kinds of schemes and plans to oppose and undermine him. They were also under the impression that on June 11, 1974, it was Abdulla who had arranged for the stationing of an army batch platoon at my house for our protection. The real situation, however, was completely the opposite: When my house was burning, Abdulla [Saeed] was sitting in Kakul. And after the mob had wreaked their damage on my house and departed, he arranged—not officially, but rather in his personal capacity—to get us safely escorted out, following which he gave us refuge in his residence. His act of providing us a shelter, too, was completely in his personal capacity. The officials and the government had not in any way supported or encouraged any of these acts.

In those days, the matter of the promotion of Abdulla [Saeed] was under consideration, and obstacles had  apparently arisen. In fact, opponents gave the impression that he would not be promoted, and even that he would be dismissed from his position. But Allah the Most High blessed him: He was promoted, and according to the plan, he was appointed as the General Officer Commanding (GOC) in the city of Quetta. The residence which was designated for the GOC was known by the name of Orchard House. There were innumerable flowers and fruit-laden trees all around that residence whereas merely a tree or two of apricots had been present around his residence in Kakul. As a reward for his hospitality and graciousness, Allah the Most High gave him an orchard that was laden with flowers and with fruit. Subsequently, he was appointed as the governor—the martial law administrator—of the Balochistan province. Then he was appointed as the ambassador of Pakistan to a couple of places. At this time, he lives in the American city of Houston, engaged in his favorite pastime: serving the religion of Islam. As a result of his efforts and his striving, the Spanish translation of the Holy Quran has been completed and published. And now, he has got the Spanish translations of Maulana Muhammad Ali’s world-renowned books—The Religion of Islam and Muhammad the Prophet—ready and both books are ready to go to press: He [Abdulla Saeed] is taking part in the propagation of Islam in the western countries.

A Supplication During the Writing Process

In his writings, wherever Doctor Saeed Ahmad has made mention of his family and his children’s steadfastness to Ahmadiyyat, his heart was invariably moved, and deeply so. What follows is one of his supplications which reflects that sentiment:

O Allah, we are very weak. Have mercy on us. There was some remorse present in the depths of the hearts of my two wives over some deprivations, remorse which they seldom expressed, though. Remove from them that sentiment, and make them the recipients and the fulfillments of

اُولٰٓىِٕكَ عَلَیْهِمْ صَلَوٰتٌ مِّنْ رَّبِّهِمْ وَ رَحْمَةٌ ۫

Those are they on whom are blessings and mercy from their Lord. (Holy Quran—2:157)

And if this be an expiation of my immense shortcomings, make my end be a good one; make my departure from this world’s life be one that is in a state in which You are pleased with me; make me free of reproach and punishment; and make this trade a most beneficial one for me. I am wholly pleased with you, O All Merciful and Exceedingly Kind Allah. [My supplication, then, is] that, despite my shortcomings, impurities, ingratitude, many kinds of waywardness, omissions of doing justice to my duty to You and to my fellow human beings—despite all these—that You nonetheless be pleased with me. But if I not be worthy of Your acceptance, then in recompense for what has befallen me [lately], and—in light of the test of my fault-ridden condition—may You still accept me, [accept] this unworthy man through Your immense grace, even if You are not pleased with me.

My Lord! I was merely committing for posterity—with my pen set to paper—the circumstances of the tribulation which had befallen us. Then You moved my heart to overflowing during this process [of writing] such that my eyes uncontrollably shed tears, and the aforesaid supplication spontaneously emerged from the depths of my heart. O my Lord! Do not reject this prayer of mine, for You are the One Who accepts the supplications of Your servants. Ameen.